The Ten Commandments of working with Graphic Designers

1 Thou shalt present thy graphic designer with a well-thought-out brief, considering target audience, likes and dislikes, brand guidelines if relevant, photography & illustration commissioning budget, amount of text and schedule. Thou shalt have this sorted before requesting a quote. Thou shalt present the same brief to all the designers from whom thou art requesting a quote, so that thou art comparing apples with apples and not oranges.

2 Thou shalt consider all the time, thought, hard work, expensive hardware and software, training, skills and creativity involved in the commission before whinging about said quote, sayingst things such as 'my nephew said he couldst design it in MS Paint for twenty quid'.

3 Thou shalt not supply photographs or graphics in Word, Powerpoint or any other Microsoft package. Thy designer has the right to the soul of thy first-born child if this Commandment be broken.

4 Thou shall supply high-quality, high-resolution images if thou requirest that thy publication not look like the dinner of a dog. Heed thy designer's advice on this, for verily, s/he is learn'd. Be prepar'd to pay for such venerable things from istock and such like for they are not that expensive really when thou thinkest about it.

5 Thou shalt NEVER request that thy designer use the typeface known as Comic Sans, for it is the work of Satan.

6 Thou shalt not ask for work to be done for free, on the off-chance that thy bizarre business idea takes off and thou becomest a millionaire.

7 Thou shalt appreciate that now and again thy designer might declare a day off, of which thou willst be told well in advance, and thou shalt not bitch about this. Thou shalt especially not bitch about this when thou decidest to bugger around with thine own schedule and thus suddenly discover that thy designer is busy surfing/snowboarding/knitting kittens whenst thou finally decidest that thou wouldst like to go to press.

8 Thou shalt know that thy designer does not, and will not, use Microsoft Publisher. Requests to do so will be met with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and the star Wormwood shall fall from the sky and poison one-third of the land and one-third of the oceans and the seven-headed serpent of Babylon will arise and everyone shall be made to listen to the Lighthouse Family for thou hast Sinned Mightily.

9 Thou shalt check all proofs very carefully for spelling, punctuation and grammar mistakes, as thy designer is employed to make thy marketing materials and so forth look pretty, and not to check whether thou is able to tell the difference between their, there and they're, or indeed if thou hast the presence of mind to correctly use a possessive apostrophe.

10 Thou shalt pay thine invoices on time and thy loins will be sure to bear much fruit*

*not guaranteed